I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
