On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
