Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
