I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
