Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
