if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
