my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
