I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Drunk is not a location!
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
