Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
