Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
