Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
