I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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