I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
