So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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