My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
