the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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