..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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