Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
She even gives head with a lisp.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
