I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
