I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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