She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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