bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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