I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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