Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
