Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
