Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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