So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
im having a threesome with these popsicles
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
