I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
