Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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