It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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