I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
