is your mom at the bar?
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
