Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
