Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
