Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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