singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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