I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
