Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
did i walk over a car last night?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
