you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
