Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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