I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Enjoy the penises
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
