I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
