Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
