i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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