i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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