She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
