They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
