a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
