South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Randomize
