booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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