I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
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The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
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We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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