I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
