Will you blow on my dice?
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
