Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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