So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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