Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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