Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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