woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
she peed on how many people?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
