he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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