You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
