loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
