He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
i am craving dick and cupcakes
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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