their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
