Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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