It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
