Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
