Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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