My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
